First let me start by saying I LOVE RUNNING! Running gave me back control of my body and my life. Running has given me countless unforgettable experiences. Running has allowed me to discover and experience so much earthly beauty.
Lately though, we've been having some squabbles. It's one of those times where "it's not you, it's me". Some days I find myself amped to lace up and race out the door. Some days I find myself having to talk myself into it for awhile. On those days, I'm often lucky and find the joy in running within a few miles. Today though, I found myself standing under a shelter, as the buckets of rain fell from the sky, and questioning why I even began the run in the first place. I finally willed myself home.
I've decided that I'm most happy running when accompanied by a friend or group. It becomes a social event. I get time to catch up with friends and/or meet new people. I don't have to talk myself into it. It's fun. Even as the miles tick by and our conversational pace slows down I feel blissful.
Recently I haven't been able to run with many other people. It's just been me and the almost endless rain that Sitka has to offer. There have been reports of bears wondering the trails again. Although I'm brave enough in a group, I often am too fearful to run solo into their home. This leaves me with the option of running roads alone. The same 14ish miles of road I've already ran hundreds of miles on. This island is closing in on me.
|It's amazingly beautiful and I love it here. |
It's just mentally tough to run the same exact routes again and again.
I know that in training one often mentally (and physically) ebbs and flows. I have been finding myself loving my morning workouts, biking, and swimming, then often dreading a run. This is unusual for me. It's got me contemplating my goals and wondering which ones I'm really passionate about. I find it difficult to imagine even being slightly prepared for a mountainous, trail 50k if I can't even get on the trails much.
For now, I vent to you. I ask you if you've ever found yourself feeling a little lost.
This past year has been full of major life changes for me. Perhaps I need to stop pressuring myself to run when I hate it. There's been times that right when I feel like I've lost my love for running forever, it returns with fervor. I hope that's the case. It may just be that I need to escape this little Alaskan island for a few days and be reminded of the rest of the world.
I plan on biking and swimming later today. I also have plans for a group trail run tomorrow and some more biking.
What do you do when your mental and physical training don't line up?